導(dǎo)讀：“不以規(guī)矩，無(wú)以成方圓�！毕嘈鸥魑患议L(zhǎng)都聽(tīng)過(guò)這么一段話，教會(huì)孩子規(guī)矩很重要，只有用愛(ài)的方式去給孩子規(guī)則，孩子才能感受到規(guī)則是愛(ài)的一部分。

"No rules, no square." I believe that all parents have heard such a passage, it is very important to teach children rules, only by loving the rules of the child, children can feel the rule is a part of love.

　　生活中，“懲罰”已經(jīng)成了很多家長(zhǎng)最常用、最愛(ài)用的殺手锏了，的確很好用，也很省事，似乎身邊所有的家長(zhǎng)都是這么做的。那么，大家都認(rèn)可的選擇就一定是最科學(xué)的嗎?當(dāng)然不是，只是因?yàn)檫@是大家最無(wú)奈的選擇，除了這“招”我們的確想不出什么好“招”了，這里要告訴您一些可以代替懲罰的好方法，供您參考。

In life, "punishment" has become the most commonly used and favorite killer of many parents. It is really easy to use and convenient to use, and it seems that all the parents are doing it. So, is the choice that everyone approves must be the most scientific? Of course not, just because it was everybody's most helpless choice, in addition to the "action" we really can't think of any good "move", here to tell you some can be a good way to instead of punishment, for your reference.

本文由衡水家教www.0318hy.com整理

一、對(duì)于懲罰的認(rèn)識(shí)：

Knowledge of punishment:

　　1、懲罰給孩子帶來(lái)的感受：敵意、仇恨、抗拒、罪惡感、沒(méi)有價(jià)值感、自憐;
　　2、孩子在懲罰中會(huì)把精力分散到如何報(bào)復(fù)家長(zhǎng)上面，錯(cuò)失了對(duì)自己不當(dāng)行為的反悔以及思考修正錯(cuò)誤的機(jī)會(huì)。不利于孩子發(fā)自內(nèi)心地認(rèn)識(shí)錯(cuò)誤，改正錯(cuò)誤;
　　3、懲罰作為一種行為是會(huì)被孩子效仿的，“以強(qiáng)欺弱”會(huì)成為他面對(duì)問(wèn)題的處理方式。
　　4、孩子受到的懲罰，會(huì)減輕他們對(duì)錯(cuò)誤行為的內(nèi)疚感，他們認(rèn)為“懲罰”可以抵消他們的“罪行”，可以心安理得地重復(fù)自己的錯(cuò)誤;
　　5、專家認(rèn)為一個(gè)孩子應(yīng)該經(jīng)歷自己不當(dāng)行為所帶來(lái)的自然后果，而不是受罰。讓他感到，在一個(gè)相互關(guān)心的親子關(guān)系中，是沒(méi)有懲罰的。

1. The feeling of punishment for children: hostility, hatred, resistance, guilt, lack of value, self-pity;

2. In punishment, the child will scatter his energy on how to retaliate against the parents, and he will miss out on the remorse for his improper behavior and the opportunity to think about correct mistakes. It is not good for children to know mistakes from the heart and correct mistakes.

3. Punishment as a kind of behavior is imitated by children, and "bullying weak" will become his way of dealing with problems.

4. The punishment that the child receives will relieve their guilt about the wrong behavior. They believe that "punishment" can counteract their "crimes" and be able to repeat their mistakes with ease;

5. Experts believe that a child should experience the natural consequences of his improper behavior, not punishment. Let him feel that there is no punishment in a parent-child relationship of mutual interest.

二、代替懲罰的七個(gè)技巧及案例參考：

Seven tips and case references for punishment:

　　1、轉(zhuǎn)移注意力：把孩子對(duì)“問(wèn)題”行為的注意力轉(zhuǎn)移到幫助家長(zhǎng)做事或者有趣的事情上：
　　1. Divert attention: turn your child's attention to "problem" behavior to something that helps parents do things or interesting things:

　　2、明確表達(dá)強(qiáng)烈不同意的立場(chǎng)(但不攻擊孩子的人格)，讓孩子了解問(wèn)題本身的影響：
　　2. Express strongly and strongly disagree (but not attack the child's personality), and let the child understand the impact of the problem itself:

　　3、表明你的期望：對(duì)于已經(jīng)發(fā)生的錯(cuò)誤不過(guò)分追究，并表明對(duì)孩子下次行為的期望：
3. Show your expectations: don't go overboard with the mistakes that have already occurred, and show your expectations for the next behavior of your child:

　　4、提供選擇：提供給孩子合理的、且我們能接受的選擇，給他被尊重感，而不是被強(qiáng)迫感。

4. Provide choices: provide a reasonable and acceptable choice for the child and give him a sense of respect, not a sense of coercion.

三、針對(duì)特別頑固且不易改正的習(xí)慣，可以采取相對(duì)復(fù)雜的措施：
　　結(jié)合案例分析理解：孩子晚上總想玩耍、說(shuō)話，不愿意睡覺(jué)。
　　第一步：討論孩子的感受和需求。
　　如：坐在一起，問(wèn)問(wèn)孩子睡覺(jué)前都喜歡做什么?
　　第二步：說(shuō)出你的感受和需求。
　　如：告訴孩子?jì)寢屆刻焐习嗪芾�，需要早點(diǎn)睡覺(jué)、得到休息。
　　第三步：一起討論解決問(wèn)題的方法，把所有的想法都寫下來(lái)(不帶任何評(píng)論)。
　　一邊討論，一邊將雙方所有的想法逐一記錄，讓孩子有受尊重感和參與決定感，更利于提高孩子日后行動(dòng)的主動(dòng)性。
　　　第四步：挑出哪些建議你們接受，哪些不接受，哪些需要付諸行動(dòng)。(家長(zhǎng)也應(yīng)給予適當(dāng)?shù)淖尣�，�?huì)帶動(dòng)孩子主動(dòng)的讓步)
　　第五步：找到大家都同意的解決方法，總結(jié)達(dá)成共識(shí)的意見(jiàn)，雙方共同努力完成。
　

四、要點(diǎn)提示：
　　1、當(dāng)我們發(fā)生沖突時(shí)，不要把精力用于彼此的對(duì)抗，或者擔(dān)心誰(shuí)輸誰(shuí)贏。而是把能量和精力放在解決問(wèn)題上，尋找一種方法，讓我們的個(gè)人需求都得到尊重;
　　2、在氣頭上時(shí)，暫時(shí)不要開(kāi)始“解決問(wèn)題”，當(dāng)自己足夠冷靜時(shí)再開(kāi)始。再科學(xué)的語(yǔ)言技巧如果是叉腰瞪眼下說(shuō)的都是不會(huì)有效果的;
　　3、挑選建議時(shí)，不要評(píng)價(jià)“主意不好”、“那不行”，而是記錄每個(gè)想法，讓想法得到尊重;
　　4、當(dāng)一個(gè)計(jì)劃執(zhí)行一段時(shí)間后，貫徹不下去，可以選擇回到老路，也可以選擇再做計(jì)劃;
　　5、如果孩子不愿意坐下來(lái)商量解決問(wèn)題，可以用便條方式表達(dá)我們的想法：(適合相對(duì)較大的孩子)

　　“親愛(ài)的，我想聽(tīng)一聽(tīng)關(guān)于….的問(wèn)題，你是怎么想的?你是不是覺(jué)得……，我覺(jué)得…..，請(qǐng)告訴我你有什么解決方法，我們都能接受。愛(ài)你的爸爸”

　　懲罰原本是以讓孩子改正問(wèn)題為目的，卻常常最終成為我們發(fā)泄自己情緒的借口，我們痛快了，可是孩子卻受傷了。多一些對(duì)孩子的尊重、會(huì)多一份孩子對(duì)您的尊敬，讓我們一起努力。

The punishment is for children to fix their problems, but it often ends up being an excuse for us to vent our emotions. We are happy, but the child is hurt. A little more respect for your children, a lot of children's respect for you, let us work together.